Sanctuary: Surender

A while back I had my last mental health break down. Every thing was going wrong and I was not taking it that well. Sighing and sobbing, I made way up to this area. It is a business area with offices and warehouse.

I found an apartment. At that time I thought that it was meant to be that I found a place to lament my existence in silence.

This area was apparently abandoned a long time ago. When I got here there where no employees or customers roaming around.

I did do a lot of roaming. There is an underground area with, food, clothe and many weapons. I have been taking what I need.

Then other people started to show up. As they grew in numbers, the organized them selves and started collecting rain, growing, food, helping each other with building living spaces, and building a security perimeter.

For a long time I would just watch them as they worked. Then the day came when they spotted me. I can;t understand how some one way down there could see me sitting on the floor, while I leaned on the window.

That person pointed me out and a delegation came knocking. I told the man with them that I live them alone and they can leave me alone.

The man tried to look concerned that I was up here all alone. I just wanted to be alone to suffer in peace. It took many words, but I convinced them I was okay.

To this date, no one has tried to build a home in any of the office spaces in this ten story building I occupy. For me this is a good thing. I do not need humans around me. All my heartaches in life are the result of humans.

It is best I keep to my self and wallow in my own disappointments. I believe in being realistic and seeing life for what it is for me.

I have even accepted that regardless of how much more time I have life is going to be filled with a lot of sadness, pain, and suffering. Most of this comes from remembering what I wanted and what I was denied.

Yes, I know I should have been more mature. However, just as I was getting my second wind, humanity became evil. People invested a lot in hate and decadence. The hate came from being different than them. They wanted everyone to be just like them.

These people consume drugs and fornicate every where. They have no shame. At person could be in the standing in line in a grocery store and a man and woman could be having sex behind you. It was if their high came from attacking good morals.

When this type of decadence started many complained loudly to authority figures. Government became non-existent. First, politicians stopped governing and them law enforcement stopped coming in to work.

There is a small group of people running things. However, they just care about everything running smooth for the companies that are still in business.

I personally, had reached me point of upsetness a long time ago. However, a man has to eat. Therefore, I played the game.

Then that day came. I had tried every thing. However, every turn led to another disappointment.

Life overwhelmed me. I walked away. In my escape, I was fully aware that I was just leaving the island of insanity, but was carrying my pain with me.

For the time I have been here it has been an emotional roller coaster ride during hurricane. I was a lone for a big part of this storm.

Then they showed up. I have to admit it has been sort of a gift. They work hard. When they are done sometimes they get together to laugh, socialize, and eat.

From here it looks like they are very happy people. The children are the ones that really know how have fun, running around yelling and screaming.

Their laughter some times results in a pleasant feeling. I have smiled as I watch the children being happy goofballs.

These parents even are raising their children well. When one of them falls, the others go over to injured one, pick hi or her up, and carry him or her to where they can get their wound cleaned, get a band aid, and get a kiss on their boohoo from mom and dad.

The first time I saw that, I cried. I was not sad. I was just happy I got to see innocent children being kind to one another.

In addition, their laughter is enticing. Their play is part of my solace and happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I will my self to other things. On certain days, I go replenish my supplies. I recognize it would be wrong to pay children that much attention.

Besides buddy keeps me company. Buddy is a gray German Sheppard. One day I was going to the basement to get more food. When I opened the door, there he was standing.

He looked up at me. I looked down at him. Then he walked pass me and the door. The only thing that came to mind was to feed him. Therefore, I served him stew with chili beans and rice.

After he finished, he went to the door and waited for me. He wanted to go with me. Maybe he is a spy for the new comers and is gathering Intel on me.

It does not matter he is good company. He some times he will find me with tears in my eyes and sits in front of me in a nervous manner. I motion for him to come up to the sofa next to me and I give him a big hug.

He then jumps off the sofa and lead me to his room. When he gets there he lays down with his head on this crossed paws. Then we start to play attack of the stuffed animal army.

Rabbit and Teddy Bears get air born. He jumps over me. I tackled him. A few hours latter we end up in the kitchen floor, breathing heavy.

Then he has to watch Animal Planet's Bear-A-Topia. For some reason, buddy likes bears. Moreover, for some reason he knows when it is on and will look at the TV, the remote, and me,waiting to hear the crackle of the TV coming on.

Then, he will sit on the sofa and watch the Bear Antics. During the commercials he look at me so I will change it to next favorite show, which is the Game Hunters. He only likes the fish programs. If there are no fish programs, he will bark until I change it back to the Bears.

Then it is time for bed. I won't let him on the bed. People who sleep with their animals are weird. However, he has his doggy bed on the floor next to my bed.

Every night, after the Bears, we go to sleep. It is late and I usually worn out emotionally by then. Buddy is just to happy to get rested for the adventures of the next day.