Killed by god

Killed by god

Creative writing fiction

I am in  my second floor master bedroom.  There is no furniture. The walls are white.  I had an office blue gray carpet installed. In front of the large glass door that leads to the second floor patio are the white delicate curtains that are face by thick large white curtains.

After my workday I come here and sit while I enjoy my dinner.  Today, I am enjoying a Philly steak and cheese, crackers, and large orange soda with ice.

Today, was the same ugly day, wondering around with annoying sense that something was going to go wrong. At least I didn’t get in to a fight with anyone.

A while back I was like everyone else, wanting a life and working at trying to have a life. I got as far as helping profile sociopaths.  Continuously life disappointments led to my burn out.  I just couldn’t keep getting kicked by life and seeing the victims of murderers every day.

Then of course was that one. I  have to say my worst abuser is god.  Failures, troubles, and disappointment are the result of him.  I gave up.

Now, I just push pencils.  I work as an administrator for a group of psychologist.

Unfortunately, when you say thank you god but no thanks you are left with no plans or a sense of life. Well all I was left with was no sense of life.

Now, I go through the motions and try to get home as fast as I can. The insanity in the world cannot touch me in my home.  I have a wrought iron fence around the perimeter.  There are numerous security cams and sensors. In addition, I have my hand guns and riffles. The gates are always locked.  There is no way for any one, including stupid city cops to enter.

When I moved in here, I found the basement.  The Realtor did not mention it.  I guess she did not know of its existence.  I have turned it in to my security bunker.

Here is were I spend the majority of my life.  After I have had my meal, I go to my bunker and find things to entertain my self with in the night.  I like jazz.  I like to laugh.  Now and then, I travel through drama, action, adventure, romance, etc.

Today, it will be Anna Netrebko in La Traviata.  I will be reading a lot of sub titles.

I was right.  A lot of subtitles of what I will cal a strange love story.

It would be wrong for me to have a woman in my life.  There is no human left here.  I would engage in conversation.  I wouldn’t desire to be by her side.  I would not have any day dreams about having a healthy good life.

That is why it is better that I am alone.  I cannot disappoint any one.

The sad part is that that that one dares to accuse me of not having a life.  Yeah I do not have a life because you interfered with every thing I was trying to accomplish for myself.  How dare he destroy my life and then accuse me of not having a life.

Now, I am not trying to discourage anyone’s faith.  If he works for you, then he works for you. All he does for me is bum me out and make me completely afraid of life.