10 26 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

 Yesterday:

1. A women speeding by on my right almost took me out.

2. Ugly natured women in two different restaurants yelled at me " Thank You ! Thank You ! Thank You! Have A Nice Day!  Happy Thanksgiving!" They were not sincere and were deliberately trying to be rude.

3. As usual right around half way in to my shift I started getting the garbage orders.

The last three weeks have been intolerable.  The Horrible feeling of fear and and garbage deliver orders have surrounded me. I am just waiting for what ever attack is going to hurt me.  I am not suppose to have a life or succeed

I no longer meditate and plan.  The truth is he does give people more than they can deal with in life. He is not loving, caring, and helpful.

I just have to keep making money. There is no fun.  Life is not beautiful.  There is no reason to plan or try and have a life. 

This Chronicles were to organize my thoughts and not get completely lost in the Abyss of my fears and depression.

So today, I will just try to not negatively react to rude people and not make any mistakes. Maybe the music on radio will be fun.  I will stick to the diet and did my 15 minutes on the treadmill.

I pushed myself for 3 days so now I can sort of cruse through the remainder of my week.