10 9 2018 Fun Duty Bound: Being Responsible When We Are Not In The Mood

“Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?

The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, ….”

The bible verses above are perfect for the current bad state of affairs in American government.  Things look very bad.

Since I wrote last, I have been watching my life getting worse.  When I am over whelmed with depression from all the bad stuff that happens to me I withdraw, which means I do not write.

1. Transmission of one vehicle went out.  

2. I got an older vehicle working and insured it. Started with tire problems.  Then gas tank problems. The insurance company that sold me insurance notified me they were going to cancel that insurance.

3. Now, I have the vehicle that originally broke in a garage.  Best case scenario is that it is an electrical problem and can be fixed for around $700.  Worst case scenario is that the transmission is bad an may cost around $2000.

I have good credit.  When I get back to operating my taxi, I will start making good money.

I just don’t want any more debt.  Recently US GOV demanded $700 for Obamacare.  I thought Trump got rid of the Individual Mandate.  I guess he did not.

Yes, I know it sounds like I am complaining.  When I started this Fun edition of my BLOG I was trying to keep my spirits up and by maintaining a good spirit teach people how to deal with difficult challenges with out loosing their good spirit.

I just remembered these car repairs cost money and I loose money by not having a vehicle I can use to make money.

Regardless, of troubles I have to remember that every thing that is good in life has to be championed.  Humanity is in a crisis.  People, are obsessed with politics and hate their neighbors.

I know about hate. For over 20 years I have been conducting business next to taxi drivers who are complete devils.  Even though I work hard at spending my life with Jesus Christ, these taxi drivers spend their time giving me dirty looks, spreading rumors, stealing trips from the back of the line, and sticking their nose in my business.

I go to conduct business to listen to good music, watch healthy fun entertainment, try and provide good service, and be grateful for what God gives me.  Lately, I have been able to meet most of these goals.

What keeps me going forward is I know I am duty bound to keep living a good life.  Sometimes, we are not feeling good while we labor.  However, we will accomplish more by being responsible.

I will have to have patience while I wait for my vehicle to be fixed. Also, I will have to pay the cost.

All I have been doing for a long time is working and worrying about money. I can’t remember when I had time off to just relax and enjoy life.

It bugs me I will have to start from scratch.  I just have to be a grown up.

In the bible I have read “…who by worrying will add a second to his life….”  We harm our selves with our negative thoughts.  The truth is that worrying will not add a second to our lives.  In fact, the stress that comes from worrying will shrink our lives.  Stress is a killer.

Now, I am not going to lie.  I am hurting.  It is okay to hurt.  Trying to hide from our emotions no matter how volatile our emotions may be is wrong.  The key is to put our emotions in the right place and look at life in a more realistic view.

The positives are:

1. I have the money to pay for the repairs.

2. When the vehicle is fixed I will be able to start making money again.

3. The vehicle that I fixed and paid to fix is a good personal vehicle I can use to travel and pursue fun entertainment.

4. Even If I have to buy another vehicle when the one I am paying to have fixed breaks, the money is there and the means to pay the loan off is also there.

5. I have a mind set of health which involves not over eating, exercising, and only consuming healthy spirit building media like Christian media and Hallmark movies.

6. I do not have any illnesses, pains, and aches.

I would not try to have a girlfriend.  It would be bad for her and it would be bad for me.  A positive is knowing how not to make mistake in order to medicate hurt.

I will keep figuring out things in a healthy and positive manner.

I thought Trump Did Away With Obamacare Individual Mandate

I received this noticed demanding payment for Obamacare.  I thought Trump did away with the individual.  They will get their blood money.

9 02 2018 Hardship Trouble Trying To Have Fun

My taxi broke again.  I thought by changing vehicles I would have less stress and anxiety.  About a month ago, my 2010 lost the transmission.

Ironically I was able to fix and insure and older minivan.  On Saturday it broke. I feel betrayed.

I did rage.  It is okay to not be dignified and grace full with this and that challenge.  I am not saying it is okay. God understands and has already forgiven us.

Well, I do have a lot personal work to do in my life.  It is hard not to have bad sentiments, rude, judgmental, crude, proud, and boastful attitudes.

Secular standards harm me and they harm people around me.  Now, I know I have to be godly and accepting and respectful of others.  This does not mean I have to be part of an individual’s sin.

I even have to be careful about what I watch and l listen to as far as media is concerned.  The message is even though it is hard, it is better to do the right thing  I will get my vehicle to a good mechanic and will stop complaining so much.

I guess it was lucky that some one infected me with their germs and I have been to sick to rail against the machine.   People would ask if I trust God to provide. I am so dead.  I do not know life.  I do not know what to pursue.

It is important to keep going forward focusing on what is good and decent no matter how hard things get in life.

Well, I thought I was going to use another mechanic but God led me Pep Boys.  They are expensive but they do the job right and nothing else breaks down less than a month later.

I am not able to get to place were I can start feeling I like I am having fun.  However, it is a good goal to have.

09 01 2018 Fun: On Schedule to Celebrate Life

I am on schedule to have my have my celebration meal on Tuesday.  I have not bought any food on the street.  At home I have only eaten what I have in the house.

In addition, I will complete a 6 day work week on Sunday.  There have been anxiety and depression challenges.  However, I have weathered the storm.

I did not get upset.  I focused on the good in life.

See, it is not hard to set some good standards in life.  I am surprised by how many people I run in to who are obliviously enraged by life.

Part of the reason for these Fun articles is to teach people the basics.  Everyday I enjoy music, good meals, good movies, good TV programs, and try to be pleasant with the people I encounter.

I am realizing that my traumas are because of how I view my challenges.  Okay, there people who make things worse.  However, even they cannot or should not influence my mood.

I did not see the 700 club nor Quick Study.  I did not watch The Five either.

Yesterday, I wrote an article but the internet ate it. This article had the basics.

I could say I am in shock.  Usually around the fifth and sixth day of work I get burn out.

It is refreshing to come home and not have to do car work.  For a while it looked like very day I was going to do car work.

I will take Tuesday and Wednesday off.  The plan is to make BBQ chicken drumsticks with sausages and jalapenos.  I celebrate life with food.

There will also be time to relax and not have to deal with troublesome customers.  Some one did lend me their germs.  I hope I am still not sick by the time of my celebration.

08 30 2018 Looking For Fun: Correcting Pat Robinson of the 700 Club.

Today, I heard something that greatly concerned me.  Pat Robinson of the 700 Club stated that Codex Vaticanus and Codex Sinaiticus (probably misspelled) are better historical text for developing a Bible.  He also said that Jesus did not create the 1611 King James Bible.

I completely disagree with Pat Robinson.  Codex Vaticanus and Codex Siniaticus are Suspicious documents because of how they appeared in to the record and because of the people involved in these documents being found.  It is highly possible these document were fabricated.

I do believe God did create the 1611 King James bible.  The individuals involved were highly educated, Renaissance men, bright hot with the Holy Spirit.  I am going to have to reconsider donating to the 700 Club.

It is my opinion, that leaders of religious groups who do not want to ruffle the feathers of the members of the group by confronting them with their Sin use other than King James bibles.  I consider NIV, NKJ, New World Bible, and all other bibles wrong.

We are all disobedient, non-believers, lost in sin.  It is important that we stop harassing our neighbor and start focusing on our personal lives.

My mood was strange.  I tried to avoid anxiety by not thinking about it.

I did work.  The day was productive.  One positive is that I was responsible in making money needed to run my life.

Again, I watched Fox News The Five, 700 Club, and Quick Study.  I will be watching Ingraham Angle in a little while.  God wants us be responsible by knowing what is going on around us.

My meal at work was very enjoyable.  I had no problems with customers, taxi drivers, or other members of society.

Now, I am home relaxing and looking for fun stuff to do here.  I did see What If God Gave You A Second Chance.  I would recommend it.  It was pleasant and speaks to how we throw life away by pursuing careers and fortune.

In addition, I was watching a movie called A Man Called Jon.  I would not recommend it.  It is about an eccentric Young White Preacher who is sent to Pastor an Afro-American Church.

God does not need eccentrics to get his message out and reach the lost.  For a while I have been troubled by 50+ year old men in ministry with earrings, faded jeans that do not fit, and cloth tennis shoes.  When we represent Christ, we should look our best.  For me this means suits and ties.

Christ brings me a lot of pleasant joy.  When we don’t use the right Bible and dress sloppy we give the wrong impression to people searching for peace from their pain and suffering.

I juiced- V8, Apple juice, and Cranberry/Black Cherry.  I enjoyed my sandwiches at work.

After I post this article I will step away from the machines and continue watching X-Files. I cannot forget to use the treadmill. I am still standing at work when I get to “first out”.

Be kind to your children.  Be kind to your pets.  If you have love to share, consider all the people in need around the world.

Last thought; I would recommend the movie So Help Us God.  I found it a funny pleasant experience.

08 29 2018 Day 3 of Trying to have fun: In Relationships it is best not to act out of desperation.

 Today, I found pleasant experience from watching The Fox News The Five, Ingraham Angle, 700 Club, Quick Study Bible Study, and Israeli News while I was waiting for customers.  The business day was good.

I have to agree with God that we in the US need to be humble as far as the positive up turn in the American economy is concerned.  Just as things are going good, they can go wrong.  It is best to believe in God and invite Jesus Christ in to our lives by saying Jesus I accept you as my Lord and Savior.

On the effort to have fun I am considering changing my work schedule and working around the clock as my mood suits me.  I have been very rigid about maintaining a set schedule.

I did come home early and I do not have to go out and finish shores.  I can stay home, relax, enjoy a good meal, and enjoy good spiritual nutrition.

I am starting juicing again.  Lately I having holding myself to stand up while I am first out and waiting for a customer.  Today, I stood up for the 40+ minutes of the 700 club program.  I am also starting to use the treadmill again.

I did start with a mellow mood.  The anxiety is picking up.  Sometimes we just have to be mature and weather the storm with dignity and grace.

One issue of my life is that for a long time I had my head down just trying to keep the business going.  Now I want to start living, which means enjoying life.

I made some changes and saved a lot of money.  This does not mean I am going to be relaxed my with responsibilities. However, I can take more days off just to relax, laugh, enjoy the company of God, and have fun.

Humans are not fun to me.  In fact, very few humans have impressed me. I am better when I am alone.

Being a lone is not a tragedy.  That internal drive that moves us to find and have some one in our lives sometimes causes a lot of trouble.  It is best not act out of desperation.

First, get know your self well.  Learn to have fun.  When we know how to have fun and know who we are, we have a lot to offer a romantic partner.

Healthy people are required for healthy romantic relationships.  Many times life frustrates us because we do not know how to have fun.  Boredom leads to depression and/or anxiety.  Then we start fighting with our romantic partner out of frustration.

If we know how to have fun, we can have fun with our romantic partner.

08 28 2018 Still Trying to Have Fun With Life.

I woke up feeling the same ugly way.  It lasted until I got my first good trip. Then I started feeling a little at ease.  The fear of impending doom returned.  My last trip was also good.  I only had three trips all night, but God did provide.

At the beginning, I was near a person I have little if any respect for in life. This person deliberately picks fights and then calls the police when people loose patience with him.  You would think a 75+ a man would know better.

During work one customer told me life has been smacking him around.  Because of my personal traumas I had better little hope to offer him.  However, we should be of good cheer regardless of tribulation life hands us.

I struggle a lot with GECU ATM’s.  They are never able to take cash deposits.  This happened again at the GECU ATM at Airway RD is El Paso, Texas, USA.  It is almost as if nothing works in this city.  I did not let it add to my funk.

However, I am determined to have fun with life.  I bought 6 Tamales to reward my self for continuing to conduct business. I am alive.  I have to keep making money to pay my responsibilities.

SLING TV is not cooperating in my effort to have fun.  I am left with some TV show on Snow Disasters on Netflix.  I do not much care for Original Netflix programs.  They are vulgar and perverted.  I was watching Jessica Jones.  To bad it ended.  Got through all of the Defenders episodes.  Wonder what happened to Blindspot.  To bad it was an NBC program.

Still In agreement with God that our bad attitude is responsible for much of the problems between neighbors. Many people have animosity towards their neighbor.  We should concentrate on our selves and leave our neighbor a lone.

I do not think personal peace is possible with out God.  The simplicity of being pleasant, nice, pure, righteous, good, decent, humble, meek, and respectful is lost on the modern generation.  This is to bad because I find a lot of love, peace, and joy in God. The answer that every one who is hurting is looking for is easy to find.  It is God.

I have done a lot in life.  It is time for a rest.  It is Jesse time.

I enjoyed listening to my music videos while I was waiting for customers.  In addition, I saw some interesting programs.  I am know watching some movie on Hallmark Channel.

That is enough life 08 27 2018

I have spent a lot of my life fighting with life.  I emphatically state I do not know what God wants from me.

I am going to dedicate my next 12 months of my life to have fun if I am allowed to have this time.

I used to celebrate life with food.  I co no longer over eat.  No more 2 large pizzas by my self.  My new enjoyment with food has to be healthy.

I cannot have a best friend in life.  It would be wrong for me to involve a woman in life being that I have lost my mind.

Music, television, movies have gone over the pervert edge.  Sex, however, is not medias worst problem.  Media is just not interesting.  Aretha Franklin just died.  I found here music very entertaining.

Well some how I will find a way to have healthy entertaining fun.

On politics, I have to say I am very sad to see the US being disrespected by so many crazy Socialist Liberal Democrats. What is wrong with tax cuts, lowering national debt, safety and security, and other great American values.

It will be challenging.  There a lot of people with bad attitude in El Paso, Texas, USA.

However, it is time to let go of the anger over fear of God attacking me.  I hope to make every second enjoyable.

My principle position on law enforcement has not changed.  Those people are not good and decent people.  I stand by "I am not legally required to talk you.  I will not be answering your questions.

911 in El Paso Texas USA is annoying-its like do not want to work or just enjoy harassing members of the public.  In addition, the cops do not show up.

It is best for people to learn to take care of them selves.  I am armed and know how to remain calm and choose my best shot.

Now, I put these ides here in hopes of inspiring others to start living and leave the fear, sadness, and rage behind.

Most people are not meek, humble, pleasant, good, decent, kind, polite, respectful, etc.  I probably will not be talking to a lot of people.

Its me against the world.  FUN ON.

I am going to eat a good meal accompanied by tall glass of ice water, try and fine enjoyable entertainment, and get 8 hours of relaxing healthy sleep.

Your Thoughts Are Not Your Thoughts: Illuminati Mind Control

Radio, Music, Television, Movies and most of media is negative.  Liberals think and feel what they feel because media’s negative messages have brainwashed them.  The same can be said for Conservatives.

The issues that we are arguing about do not require a PhD in political science in order to solve these challenges. People are Free. They have Liberty.  They can decided for them selves what interest to enjoy.

People should keep the majority of their money.  It is a fact that members of the US Congress are stealing from regular hard working people in order to give this money to the politician’s Corporate Masters.

The small group of filthy rich individuals who manipulate politicians with money want to control every aspect of life.  We get our food from corporations.  We get our water from corporations.  We are born in a Corporate Hospital.  We attend public schools shaped by Corporations.  Corporations tell politicians what kind of workers they want and politicians shape education to meet these needs.  

We spend the majority of our lives working for a corporation.  Whether we have a job, a career, or even a business we work for a Corporation. If they fail, we all die because they have rigged the system so they have all control and we are dependent on them.

It is common sense that we do not spend more than what we have in life.  Preparing to meet the demands of life is also common sense.  If I leave people alone, they will leave me alone is also common sense.

I going to state this clearly regardless of who gets offended.  I will not give up my taxes to give people who have victimized others a second chance. I am talking about criminals.  These criminals are going to have to dig them selves out of the hole they dug for them selves.

I have no problem helping children.  Children should not suffer for the stupidity of their parents.

However, criminals hurt other people.  I will not help people who have hurt others.  When and if criminals build a life I may have a different opinion.  I am offended that politicians believe that the answer to incarceration is to victimize again the victims of crime by forcing these tax payers to pay even more taxes.

It is common sense that a good way not to end up in jail is to not commit crimes.  Every criminals knows that when he or she gets caught there will be serious consequences.

Commons sense tells me that Muslim Extremist are abusing the US Refugee program.  I know Mexicans very well.  Mexicans have poor morality and poor ethics.  Mexicans are not victims.  Mexicans victimize people.

Today, I was watching a documentary on the Holocaust.  Then, I started listening to Book of Ezekiel in the King James Bible.  There God explained the Holocaust.  One third I will scatter through out the earth.  One third will die by the sword (war).  This made me sad. We could avoid so much hardship by Believing in God, Involving God in our lives, and Obeying God.  A lot of the Jews who were asked their opinion about God after the Holocaust stated that It was not God who hurt them.  It was people who hurt them.

Common sense tells us bad behavior leads to bad consequences.  People did not just become poor.  In the US there are opportunities for all.  It is good to have dreams.  Sometimes we just have to make the best of our reality.  The answer is not to follow the Corporate Model of Life.  

In addition, I have a problem with pro Athletes who focus on Living Large complaining about Social Justice.  How about you rich athletes use some of your money to contribute to social justice?  

Pro Athletes, right now you are offending your customers.  Eventually you will put your self out of business.

Those protesters who call Trump and his supporters Nazis are just repeating what the Media has told them is reality.  Reality is that the Illuminati wants to control the world.

Any one who reads and follows the Koran is a threat to the human race.  Mexicans destroyed their country.  People should be responsible for their own lives.  People should take care of their society.  We are all brothers and sisters.  We all are responsible for the those who are good and decent in the human race.

Trump is not the devil.  Trump supporters are not agents of Satan.  People who want to burden tax payers with bad consequences of people who have made a mess of their lives are agents of Satan.

See, reasonably intelligent people should see that they should not burden their neighbors with paying for their needs.  The media-a tool of the Illuminati- brainwashes some people in to believing that it wrong for people to have earned riches and therefore must share with others.

I work hard at being responsible.  I do not waste my life or money on vices.  Even though I would rather be having fun, I go and conduct business.

I do not owe any one anything.  However, since 2003 I have been writing articles on Positive Psychology, trying to empower people to help them selves with their depression and anxiety challenges.

It is common sense that is better to have fun and focus on what is good and decent in life.  Media brainwashes people with attitude “Everything Sucks, Nothing Works, Why Bother”.  This attitude leads to a lot of bad decisions and of course bad consequences.

Therefore, liberals your thoughts are not your thoughts and for a long time my thoughts were not my thoughts.  Things need to be properly administrated.  I have to be responsible.  You have to be responsible.

Good People and Liberals Who Do Not Respect Lives of Conservatives

There is the individual story. There is also the societal story.

We are supposed to be humble, meek, good, decent, pleasant, nice, respectful, and concerned about our neighbor.  There is a difference in wanting to help by being charitable and being forced to help.

I know we are not supposed to have any bad thoughts about our neighbor.  Judge not let you be judged.  Having bad thoughts also leads to bad emotions towards our neighbor and even violent aggressive behaviors.

There is always going to be violent crime.  I say the answer is for all of us to learn self defense and fire arm competency.

Many people are bad. We have to accept that many people have a bad attitude and have animosity towards their neighbors.  People do not just end up with a bad life.  Bad people hurt them or they make decisions.  Sometimes life itself terrorizes people.

When we want to help people, we have to accept that many may not want our help and want to hurt us.  I think every one should obey God and be respectful of his or her neighbor.

I am learning that every one is trying to do their best with what life has handed them.  Even difficult people wish they were not struggling with anxiety, depression, pain, and suffering.

Every body does hurt.  The song is right.  Many people deal with their hurt by being mean to others.  However, they are struggling every day with their personal internal war of emotions between fear and depression.

I have to say that we should focus on being good people and having a good life.  It is helpful to deal with pain and suffering by focusing on what is good in life.  We should have fun by practicing “simple healthy pleasures of life”.

Instead of seeing the world as negative, we can enjoy good friends, good family, good food, good music, and every other healthy element of life. These elements can help us in building a valuable life.

Politicians jeopardize the lives we build by wasting our money and creating financial hardship. This is why we have to be healthy people.  The media destroys personal self esteem.  Troubled individuals find it hard to be part of the Stewardship process required of all members of all societies. People need to be aware of the issues, know the candidates, register to vote, vote, and be in constant communication with the people in office.

The individual is the most powerful person in a Free Nation.  America is a nation of Freedom, Liberty, and Independence.

Freedom, Liberty, and Independence come with responsibility.  These responsibilities include being a person of love who can respect their neighbors and live responsible lives.  Being good to our selves is part of a responsible life.  When we work at a good life, we are healthy, leave our neighbor alone, and take care of our society.

The problem in the world is that we are judging each other and we have animosity for one another.  This creates social ills along with anxiety and depression.  

Many of us can and do control our spirit.  We need more healthy people, who are responsible with their lives, and leave their neighbors alone.

I was the watching the protest in Berkeley and Portland.  I found the liberal crowd rather irrational and immature.

Nothing I have earned in life belongs to liberals.  They do not have they right to demand that government take my money and give it to people who have not being as responsible as I have been in life.

Mr. Trump is a great administrator.  He is not racist.  He is not a womanizer.

A great woman-such as his wife-would not put with a womanizer.  I was born in Mexico and have spent over 45 year of my life in the a border town.  I can tell you that a great majority of the people of Mexico have little or no respect for laws.

Many terrorist are abusing American refugee programs in order to sneak in to the US and kill Americans.  The United States of America are the private property of Natural Born Americans and they have the right to demand that their money and their country be respected by all people of the world.

If America had never been built many atrocities against people around the world would of never been stopped.  Germany would of won WWI.  No one would of kept the Jewish people from being completely murdered.

Had the Mexicans and the Native Americans kept what we know to be the US they would not of created such a powerful nation as the US.  America is important.  America has to be properly administrated by elected officials and the people of the US.  This means we all have to have love for our selves, our friends, our family, and our neighbors.  A big part of respect is having love for the life of our neighbor has built and leaving his or her stuff alone.

Because We Are Bad Society Is Bad

The ideas expressed in this article apply to all people around the world. People are supposed to be in charge of their societies, not morally corrupt politicians and morally corrupt business people.  Every society has morally corrupt business people who manipulate society by manipulating politicians with money, drugs, and sex, and manipulating the regular people of that society with communist propaganda spewed by members of the media.

News people no longer offer facts and evidence.  News people spend their time offering their personal opinions, which are that government is right to steal tax payers money in order to finance social programs.  Modern music, TV, and movies are sick with perversion, decadence, and hedonism.

This bad media results in societies filled with vulgar negative pleasure junkies.  Most people have serious emotional problems and seek cheap pleasure from cheap thrills.  Because people are sick, business people and politicians are doing what ever they want, including destroying societies.

The US is in serious trouble.  The answer is for people to become better people.  We are supposed to be humble meek positive people who respect others and are personally responsible and self reliant.

Taking money from hard working tax paying people threatens society by minimizing productive members of society financial power.  I pay utilities, groceries, auto parts, rent, snacks, and other commodities.  Productive members of society keep businesses in business and create businesses.  The majority of troublesome people of society do not support businesses.

It is unfortunate, but there are a lot of troublesome people in society.  A lot of the trouble comes from communist liberal media promoting the idea that what is wrong is right and what is right is wrong.  Life only works if we follow the principles of success. We should marry well, keep a good home, and raise children well.

Now, if traditional family values do not appeal to you, do not make us pay for the bad decisions you make in life.  Smokers, over eaters, and other indulgent people will eventually end up in a government hospital. Tax payers will be paying for indulgent people’s hospital bills.  When a arrogant non helmet wearing motor cycle rider has all his brains squashed we will be paying for the government hospital to try and put him back together.  People who want to indulge and over eat should be forced to buy private insurance.

Life is better lived under the following conditions:

1. We should live our day to day life by incorporating fun in our lives.

2. We need a positive attitude.

3. We should solve our challenges and stop negatively criticizing our neighbor.

4. We have to follow the law or work to change the law.

5. We have to be part of the process by knowing the issues, knowing the candidates, registering to vote, and voting.

6. Nothing is wrong with helping people as long as you do not let people take advantage of you.

The problems in society are due the fact that most of us rant and rave but we are not good people and we do not get involved. The society that the media presents is wrong.  Not everything sucks and does not work.

We work.  We are not directly part of the immoral media, immoral politicians, and immoral business corruption.  If we let them give us a negative and perverted attitude and refuse to take care of society then we are a big part of the problem.

Killed by god

Killed by god

Creative writing fiction

I am in  my second floor master bedroom.  There is no furniture. The walls are white.  I had an office blue gray carpet installed. In front of the large glass door that leads to the second floor patio are the white delicate curtains that are face by thick large white curtains.

After my workday I come here and sit while I enjoy my dinner.  Today, I am enjoying a Philly steak and cheese, crackers, and large orange soda with ice.

Today, was the same ugly day, wondering around with annoying sense that something was going to go wrong. At least I didn’t get in to a fight with anyone.

A while back I was like everyone else, wanting a life and working at trying to have a life. I got as far as helping profile sociopaths.  Continuously life disappointments led to my burn out.  I just couldn’t keep getting kicked by life and seeing the victims of murderers every day.

Then of course was that one. I  have to say my worst abuser is god.  Failures, troubles, and disappointment are the result of him.  I gave up.

Now, I just push pencils.  I work as an administrator for a group of psychologist.

Unfortunately, when you say thank you god but no thanks you are left with no plans or a sense of life. Well all I was left with was no sense of life.

Now, I go through the motions and try to get home as fast as I can. The insanity in the world cannot touch me in my home.  I have a wrought iron fence around the perimeter.  There are numerous security cams and sensors. In addition, I have my hand guns and riffles. The gates are always locked.  There is no way for any one, including stupid city cops to enter.

When I moved in here, I found the basement.  The Realtor did not mention it.  I guess she did not know of its existence.  I have turned it in to my security bunker.

Here is were I spend the majority of my life.  After I have had my meal, I go to my bunker and find things to entertain my self with in the night.  I like jazz.  I like to laugh.  Now and then, I travel through drama, action, adventure, romance, etc.

Today, it will be Anna Netrebko in La Traviata.  I will be reading a lot of sub titles.

I was right.  A lot of subtitles of what I will cal a strange love story.

It would be wrong for me to have a woman in my life.  There is no human left here.  I would engage in conversation.  I wouldn’t desire to be by her side.  I would not have any day dreams about having a healthy good life.

That is why it is better that I am alone.  I cannot disappoint any one.

The sad part is that that that one dares to accuse me of not having a life.  Yeah I do not have a life because you interfered with every thing I was trying to accomplish for myself.  How dare he destroy my life and then accuse me of not having a life.

Now, I am not trying to discourage anyone’s faith.  If he works for you, then he works for you. All he does for me is bum me out and make me completely afraid of life.