Jesse's Life Blog: 2020

December 22, 2020

12 21 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicle of a Cursed Man

I am sticking to the basics. I eat healthy. I exercise. I get restful sleep.

Since both my vehicles broke in the same week, I am waiting for the other attack.

Even though I am overwhelmed with fear, all I have is to keep to the basics. I want to die debt free. As hard as it is, that is the goal I am working on for the rest of my life.

It is even getting harder to find relaxing media. It was adding to my stress to pay attention to usa politics. I no longer pay attention It is the end for the usa. The weirdos, freaks, and decadent have taken over.

December 20, 2020

12 20 20 Lost In The Abyss-Ready to give up

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Some one can say just listen to god and have peace. I say, what am I doing? I work to be responsible. I try to stay physically and mentally healthy. I keep to my self.

It is obvious to me that even though I am very wise about life, god does not want me to play any part in his world. Therefore, I should be left a lone to live my simple life.

I had to vehicles. Now I have two vehicles that are breaking down. All I did was left one sit for 3 days while I used the other one that did not have problems. Then the transmission locked up.

When I started the one that was sitting, it sounds like some one is shacking a can of marvels near by. All because I wanted to fix my economy. A man my age with all my talents should not be happy with minimum wage. Plus, I just want to pay of my debt.

So with this new challenge, I am not buying another car. When I no longer have a vehicle, I am done. I will gather my little stuff an head for the mountains, sorry credit cards. I tried to be responsible and the creator just decided I need to be punished every step of the way.

I am keeping to the diet and exercise plan. Still sleeping. When I am home I try to relax.

Not much to enjoy though, but oh well.

December 14, 2020

12 14 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

The Abyss is moving through life with about any peace love and joy. The curse is that everything-I not exaggerating-everything goes wrong. Last week, I was getting majority of garbage orders. Saturday was the worse.

Again, I was sensing the creator just perched their, doing everything possible to make sure I didn't make any money. I just kept moving forward. I do not think through things and make plans.

Once, I was a nice person and wanted a enjoyable life like all people. Now, I just living in the reality of no matter how hard I try "he" will keep attacking me.

I am alive. I have bills. I am completely against suicide. I will keep going forward for as long as I can.

I won't think about things I do not like. When at home, I will try to relax.

It is going to be harder, now that the USA is under communist control.

December 10, 2020

12 10 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

The attacks are getting worse. Yesterday, I was getting every garbage order they had in their computer. I would pick up and therm drive out of my service area, which means loss time, wasted gas, and little money. One business employee was being as obnoxious as possible. I had to cancel the order.

At my home, the media that helps me relax now and then has been unavailable. The internet keeps turning on and off. Over the air TV signals keep going on and off.

The key is to not spin out of control. People do not know that they are being used by dark forces to torture me. I should just stay focused on the good. I have been playing pleasant and funny movies on my car dvd radio while driving around. I need the money, but what is going to happen is going to happen.

I have lost all sentiment and respect for the creator of everything. Yes, it is his universe. However, I have the right to live my simple life my way. All I am trying to do is work and be responsible for my life. However, it is like I should go and hide in a cave, because, apparently I do not have the right to earn a living and have fun.

Yes, I am enraged. However, I do not care enough to reproach any one. I do know I do not want to live this way. Today, I will just have to not let IT get to me, no matter how many obnoxious humans I run in to while conducting business.

December 03, 2020

12 01 2020 Lost in the Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Yesterday was another day of insanity. It started with strange orders. At least there were no problem orders.

Still have this sense that something bad is going to happen in my life. I do not do it to myself. I do not even have control over my life. My emotions are not mine. Many times I do not want to think nor can I think.

For me it is easy. I watch pleasant wholesome enjoyable media. I enjoy good meals. I listen to good music. I keep my self Professionally Organized no matter how difficult people are in life. I exercise and keep to the diet. I am not trying to live for ever. I just do not want be some of those old fools that can barely walk and have a million and one illnesses.

It takes a lot to breath and try to relax. Yesterday, after I finished my business day, I was annoyed and I do not even know why. My internet was on and off I could watch the media I usually watch. Even the over the air TV channels were going in and out. Media usual helps me relax because it is enjoyable and I do not have to think.

Lately, I just cannot get in to anything. I have decided to stop paying attention to politics. People of USA have just lost all control over their country and the Crazy Dems are going to ruin the nation.

27 trillion dollars in debt and the Dems think that every solution requires more money. People are suppose to be positive and smart as they use the elements of their environment to build a life. No ones money belongs to government. Therefore, governments have no legal right to what people have earned in life.

I understand why people doing everything wrong and lazy, immature, petty, childish, and irresponsible want government to clothe, feed, and house them. A society cannot function when half of the people are forcing the other half to work for Lust for Vices.

December 01, 2020

12 12020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

I am trying to Chronicle my last days on Planet Earth. This is an exercise of my on personal Crisis Management.

When I had to leave my one car taxi company I had hope and joyful expectation that I would be able to live a better life. I would focus on the good and look for healthy fun.

Quickly, everything when sour. I have driven to the dark corner of insanity. However, I try to keep good practices. I would like Peace-freedom from depression and anxiety, Love-A good woman as a friend and romantic interest, and Joy-ability to enjoy life.

I feel like I should be fighting with everyone while I wait for the next attack. No matter how hard I try I cannot relax. However, I am not self destructive. I am keeping to the diet. Still look for pleasant enjoyable entertainment. I follow my business standards.

I did have to give up on Americans and USA. I am to sick to keep up with the status of USA. I know the Apocalypse has started. I have even started planning my escape.

I can do the basics as hard as it is today.

November 29, 2020

11 29 2020 Lost In The Abyss Plan For US Collapse

Chronicles of A Cursed Man

Fear of the unknown will lead to panic and hysteria. However, there is no reason to fear most people.

Conservatives are cowards and week. They will not be starting any Armed Revolution.

The Democrat Communist are making it very clear that they are against how conservatives and Christians live their lives and they will be making Oppressive Laws. The two Senate seats that are remaining will be won by Communist Democrats. They won the presidency with Vote Fraud. Why Would they stop now.

This is serious. It is not the ramblings of a crazy conspiracy theorist. Hugo Chavez-Venezuela went Socialist Crazy when oil was $115 dollars for the international price of a Barrel of Oil. The the price of a Barrell of Oil dropped to $45 dollars. Venezuela could no longer pay for everything it bought on credit while the price of barrel was $115.

Governments messing with elements of economies can ruin societies and nations. Communist Democrats with their policies will interfere with the US Economy and collapse the US Economy. I do not blame any successful business person for moving their company out of the US.

Therefore, not only will we have to deal with Communist Democrats Oppressive policies. We will also have to worry about the collapse of the US economy

In reality it is all part of the Global Economy agenda. There have Public Policies all the world that should concern all Freedom loving people. Under the disguise of Social Justice policies that threaten Freedom and Religious people all over the world.

1. Satan hates humanity and has an agenda against the human race.

2.The rich who own politicians with their Global Economic Agenda are working for Satan and helping him with his agenda.

3. The politicians who are by the rich who run the world have and will make policies that harm people and destroy Freedom Independence and Liberty.

4. Modern people Morality and Ethics are very low. Rich, Politicians, and Members of Special Interest Groups can almost get any thing they want.

5. Many people are soft-to attached to convenience of gas stations and groceries stores. They are afraid of any conflict with government. They have a bad attitude and bad nature. lack of Morality and Ethics and Poor Mental status are the real threat to US.

I say there are 6 months to prepare for the end of US. 90 days after Neurologically Defective Biden takes office Communist Democrats will be implementing their Oppressive policies. This is the time we have to prepare to go live out in the wild. Unless you just want to be persecuted by the agents of the Communist Democrats; i.e military, federal cops, state copes, county cops, and municipal cops. They are the one who will try to enforce all those Oppressive Laws.

Yes they will follow orders because they have families that need shelter, food, and healthcare.

On the personal, the stress is getting worse. I have a horrible sense that something bad is going to happen. I do not know if something bad is going to happen to me or the World. I have started preparing to get out of so called civilized society quick.

HAVE A PLAN AND YOU WILL FINE IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE CALL A CRISIS

November 26, 2020

10 26 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Yesterday:

1. A women speeding by on my right almost took me out.

2. Ugly natured women in two different restaurants yelled at me " Thank You ! Thank You ! Thank You! Have A Nice Day! Happy Thanksgiving!" They were not sincere and were deliberately trying to be rude.

3. As usual right around half way in to my shift I started getting the garbage orders.

The last three weeks have been intolerable. The Horrible feeling of fear and and garbage deliver orders have surrounded me. I am just waiting for what ever attack is going to hurt me. I am not suppose to have a life or succeed

I no longer meditate and plan. The truth is he does give people more than they can deal with in life. He is not loving, caring, and helpful.

I just have to keep making money. There is no fun. Life is not beautiful. There is no reason to plan or try and have a life.

This Chronicles were to organize my thoughts and not get completely lost in the Abyss of my fears and depression.

So today, I will just try to not negatively react to rude people and not make any mistakes. Maybe the music on radio will be fun. I will stick to the diet and did my 15 minutes on the treadmill.

I pushed myself for 3 days so now I can sort of cruse through the remainder of my week.

November 25, 2020

11 25 2020 Lost In The Abyss: No Conservative Armed Revolution

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Yesterday was a perfect example of my Cursed Life. I need and want to get to certain financial goal in order to pay off debt. I was close but the last orders were garbage orders. I choose one for $10 then after 10 minutes with customer service, the order was canceled.

Now, I realize I let it get to me. However, It has been death from a million cuts. I am out of ideas. I cannot live in my home hiding from life.

I have to keep making money and living a healthy life. I do keep to the diet and exercise plan. Of course my Treadmill would stop working.

I have not completely discussed the source of my Curse. I know and I want nothing from "him". I don't even want to think.

Now, the crisis in the USA is even worse. Those who control the USA-a Cabal of Rich People no longer care about basic standards in decency. These rich people are moving with their Global Control Agenda and have resorted to Vote Fraud to accomplish their goals.

I know the election was stolen from Trump and his Supporters. I know this theft was done administrated by those who slave to their Corporate Masters and their workers.

There will be no victory in the courts. They will win the Georgia Senate seats with Vote Fraud. They have gotten away with it once. Why would not try it again?

All I had on My Agenda was to Relax and Maybe have some fun. The incident with orders is just one example of constant attacks. Now, I have to deal with all the intrusive, oppressively, and persecutory Public Policies of the Communist Democrats who will have control of the US government from now on.

I live in the USA for people like me it will mean Higher Taxes in order to Give A Free Life to those people who cannot afford the life they built by Winging Life day by day. They do not plan. They have bad attitude, bad nature, and Violent/Aggressive tendencies. They cause themselves a lot of problems and they want all of us to pay for their life.

So, instead of just dealing with my life, I am having to deal with all the Traumas of knowing the Apocalypse has started.

There is no salvation for the USA. Conservatives are not going to lead am armed Revolution against their Oppressively government.

So I will have to take what little money I have out of the bank. I will have to pack my two vehicles with Stuff to survive in the wild. When the fires start, I will have to make my way to the Wild.

The only thing I can offer as helpful suggestion is make a plan to deal with the Collapse of USA society.

November 07, 2020

11 07 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Now it realy does feel like being lost in Abyss. Not only is my life a mess, now the country is a mess. The issue is not that Fugly biden won. It is all the bad public policies they are going to pass.

1. Immigration open door policy

2. Defunding the military and police.

3. Financing all the Slobs-Fornicators, Alchies/Drugies, Abortionist, Irresponsible people of society.

4. Foreign policy that favors Foreign nations and screws the US tax payer.

5. Increases in food stamps, welfare, government housing,

6. Restarting ObamaNoCare-including the individual mandate.

7. Stopping Trump’s tax cuts.

The US has a 30 trillion national debt Crisis. Fugly does not know anything about Administration. Administration is management with in a budget.

I thought I was going to be able to live out my life trying to manage my insanity. Now the US has become mexico.

Well I am still on the diet and not over eating. There are no drugs, alcohol, nor fornication. Many people turn to these to deal with Anxiety and Depression.

The hardest thing is being out conducting business. There are a lot of garbage people with bad attitude and bad nature. Of course I do not enjoy any thing in life. Meals, Music, Entertainment, People do not give any joy.

I have not chosen to be miserable. Life just worked out that way.

I am sort of rested. My goals today are to go and conduct business like a professional. Thursday I couldn’t think so I took the day off to rest. It was hard to rest. However, I have made it to the end of another business week.

The reality of Fugly Biden stealing the election with Vote Fraud is demoralizing. Sin has to be denounced and stopped. I am not saying I am innocent. My sin is private sin and does require financing from the US tax payer nor harms anyone else.

People are making children they knew they were not going to be able to afford. Many people traumatize their children. The people with drugs, alcohol, orgies in abandoned buildings are fighting an inner conflict that will not let them have peace, love, and joy.

It would be great if they could keep to themselves. I believe in separate but equal. However, many of these Freaks victimize children from good homes by seducing them and involving them in their Freakish behaviors.

Everything the Dems are going to do is going to make an even more harsh US by contributing to an increase in People with Bad Attitude and Bad Nature and Violent/Aggressive behaviors.

These people want to wipe out White people. I won’t be able to just find some fun to deal with my trauma. Now, the government will make my life more expensive and I will have to be ready to defend myself against attacks from the Freaks of the world.

November 04, 2020

11 04 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

It was a horrible day. I was exhausted from getting enough sleep. That is one of the elements of what I call my cursed life. When I do not get enough sleep, feel completely exhausted, cannot concentrate, can barely function, and have chest pains.

All of this interferes with ability to conduct business. I am not obsessed with money, but money pays the bills and I want to be debt free before I leave planet earth.

My cursed my keeps me fear of what is next. My life is one bad thing after another.

I deal with things by meditating on a strategy. I think of ways to not let the bad things beat me down.

I have lost the pleasure from enjoying life. I just go through the motions.

However, this is not a “cry fro me” effort. I am trying to not get completely lost. By writing I have to stay in the here and now.

Today, I feel that same anxiety. It is going to be a bad day because of the tyrannical democrats stealing “the will of the people” with voter fraud. I won’t live in a nation controlled by crazy democrats and their crazier supporters. Time to go to the mountains.

I am sort of rested, which means I can sort off think. I plan to just enjoy the day. I pushed myself to stay on the diet.

Yesterday, on my last order I walked to the house to deliver. Close to the door I heard a man yelling at the top of his voice in an irrational manner and children crying. One child sounded like a baby. The other one was rather small, maybe 3 or 4.

The GPS led me to the wrong address. So now I am exhausted, unable to think, have the responsibility of having to deliver the food right, and the responsibility of the children.

If I had to get physical, I am to exhausted(physical and mental) to be effective. I know I have to call the cops. The man is coming in and out of the house giving me dirty looks. The customer is on my phone asking about her order.

I quickly hit a tail spin in to depression. I was to exhausted to think my way out. All I could do is limp home.

November 02, 2020

11 02 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

It has been a horrible day. I was sort of making money. Then the second half of my business day was one stumble after the other.

I have stopped talking to the one. In addition, I really did not meditate on how to go about my day so the anxiety does not make me make a serious mistake.

The rest on my day will be waiting on a business deal, watching pleasant media, and a good meal.

All I have is day to day minute to minute. At least I am concentrating on good ways to survive.

November 01, 2020

11 01 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

The weekend is always the worst of the challenge. He weeks anxiety and depression combine to a horrible mess. My day off I spend dazed.

Crisis management will be to calm down and pass time with foolish movies. I am installing a new radio.

I will enjoy two meals, Hamburgers and potato salad. I do not hurt my self with drugs and/or alcohol, not mention looking fro sexual adventures to calm the pain. That would just make things worse.

Therefore, my crisis intervention strategy today is to just relax. I will install the radio I want, do some things around my home, and watch pleasant media.

October 30, 2020

10 30 2020 Lost in teh Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

Today is going to be a very challenging day. The anxiety is overwhelming.

I am just going to have to take it very slow, concentrating on everything I do while conducting business.

Yesterday, I just had to deal with the nastiness of one horrible woman. The day was not loaded with anxiety. There was depression.

Good thing is I take Saturday off. So today, Friday, is for gas and tomorrow is for me.

When I used to feel this bad I would focus on fun things to replace the ugly feelings with pleasant ones. I have gotten to the point where I don’t even rage at the one I consider responsible.

I do not care about anything to be upset that every day I loose more. However, I have to keep making money and paying bills.

So today I just have to breath, relax, and not let people get to me. My greatest source of stress is stupid people. If I make money or not, it does not matter. What matters is that I go to conduct business and I do not cause myself any trouble.

October 29, 2020

10 29 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

There has never been a peaceful day in life. These Chronicles are to document my last days. This not a effort to teach, just to keep me grounded.

When I was younger I know I had the right to flirt with women in order to find that Special One I would want to spend the rest of my life with in life. I also had the right and obligation to build a career in order to provide her and I a good life were we would be able to comfort most of live’s challenges. However, everything I tried has been met and continues to be met with evil.

Yesterday, I woke up with the same dread of life.

1. A beer truck driver blocked me as I was conducting business.

2. My cell phone almost ate one order, which would meant a loss.

I do find it concerning that interesting when the USA has fallen apart my life is in ruins. I do keep the diet, still exercising, and try to find pleasant enjoyable entertainment.

Last week, I started listening to Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh again. The noise kills the boredom.

The goal I am focusing on is to be debt free before I leave planet earth. I remind myself to not rush things and just manage the money I make. Instead of getting mad cause I do not make what I think I should. At least I make better than minimum wage.

I know I will have to work everyday of my life. I rather work, then live of the misery the governments provide.

October 28, 2020

10 28 2020 Lost In The Abyss

Chronicles of a Cursed Man

This is the first entry into My Chronicle of my last days on earth. I have been cursed for all my life. It has been a life of one problem after another.

Yesterday:

1. Roads were icy. I came around a corner and a truck that had wrecked was blocking the road. I pressed on the brakes and the engine started revving and forcing me forward. I had to put my vehicle in neutral. I looked back and some idiot had to go in to the wall to avoid hitting me. He was “hotrodding” even though the bad weather.

2. I went to pick up an order and the front of the restaurant had 3 people waiting. Then the area stated filling up. The staff was in the back and not paying attention that to many people were in a small area, no room for social distancing.

I Had to stop outside and wait.

3. I was a goofy romantic movie. Then I realized there is no reason to watch anything since I am not part of life.

Today, I still have that horrible dread that something bad is going to happen. At the end of the day I will come back and log the challenges I was faced with today. I know I can not just stay locked up and hide from whatever is trying to destroy me.